There’s a special place in my heart for the ones who were with me at my lowest and still loved me when I wasn’t very loveable.

One minute you’re their entire world. The next you don’t mean a damn thing to them, and it sucks. You just can’t control people, but you can decide if they’re worth suffering over.

July 13, 2017

Hindi ko to sinulat at July 13, but at August 11 of 2017. Today is the start of my term break! Gagawa lang ako ng update about sa buhay ko kasi sobrang dami kong time ngayon. Well I have 3 weeks to waste my time and do something so first maybe is write an update on my life in this shitty blog I’m trying to make.

Dahil sa sobrang bored ko sa first few hours of my break, and nasira pa yung laptop (again). I started to read my old posts on tumblr. May nabasa ako na entry ko, nung July 13, 2016. Nung una hindi ko na alam ano ba nangyari sa araw na yun eh, basta ang description ko, it was one of the worst days of my life. Bigla ko naalala yung araw na yun. I was watching Game of Thrones til mga 3 am, and to think it was my shifters exam sa Commerce that day. Naalala ko yung araw na yun kasi umiiyak ako at 4 am and I wrote all these words from the bible and placed it all in my table so I can be reminded everyday.. So now na napaisip ako, July 13, 2017.. Where was I at July 13.. What was I doing…

JULY 13, 2017
It was a Thursday.. happiest day of the week for some Lasallians. Me? What did I do? I drew. I was wearing a pink shirt that I got from Artwork. Nung araw na to, eto yung ginulat mo ako from behind my back. Yung hours later, you asked me “Saan ka po?” But I was in SDA and you were in Main. So hindi tayo pinagtagpo. But you sent me a vid saying you were having “air” for dinner. I sent you a vid of me with Karl and Joyce eating the Adobo I cooked cause it was my dinner. I was in my 6-9 pm drawing class, and for the first time ever wala kaming ginawa. We were talking, as usual. Suddenly sabi mo, “Saan ka, punta sana ako jan.” Tapos ayon, nauwi tayo sa Bonchon eating ice cream, which I bought for you. I took a pic of you, you took a pic of mine. I saw my friend with her ex that I hated and sabi ko “OMG.” Hinahabol mo ako telling me “Calm down, sabayan natin sila.” Sabi ko naman, “Hell no!” then went straight for the LRT.

It was a good day, kasi I had the chance to see you. Naalala ko pa yung time na hindi pa tayo close, yung hindi naman tayo naguusap. Yung time na Thursday, sa Dean’s Office. Hindi ko alam if bisexual yung mga kasama mo, pero I swear nakita ko yung isang girl nakahawak sa waist mo. Nung time na yun wala pa ako pake, pero ngayon meron na meron na, sana hindi na maulit yun. Naalala ko na 2 seconds palang kita nakikita solved na yung gabi ko. Imagine me getting to talk to you for hours, getting compliments from you, holding your chin, and hugging you?

I was that happy at July 13, 2017. You were my happiness on a Thursday, July 13th.

C,

Thank you..

For saying you’d like to date me
For taking care of me when I was drunk
For saying it was all true while looking at my eyes
For allowing me get to know you
For saying “Ang ganda mo.”
For holding my hand
For asking me to marry you
For coming when I invite you to wherever I am
For being you. Thank you. I love you.

C

For You.

I was about to sleep when I thought I should write you something. Wala lang, parang goodbye lang, hindi sayo, pero sa feelings ko.

Okay na, nalabas ko na, naiyak ko na. Natanggap ko na… Nagdasal ako tonight, I always do, but tonight it was different. I thanked God for allowing me to get to know you. I said before na, “Well at least, once in your lives, nakasama niyo yung isa’t isa for a few hours.” For me, enough na yun. Something to remember. I prayed na sana, yung pain I felt kanina would soon go away. I’m praying na sana hindi ako titingin sa condo mo tuwing dadaan ako everyday habang nasa LRT, wondering what you might be doing while I pass. I pray na I wouldn’t look for you in the cafeteria. I pray I wouldn’t run into you in the hallways. I pray I wouldn’t have to look you in the eyes and smile like I didn’t cry because of you. I prayed that soon enough you won’t be the person I’ll think of when I wake up in the morning.

Then I prayed for better days, for something to look forward to. For someone to look forward to, because I remember, before ka dumating, I prayed to Him na sana he’ll give me the right person. So with a broken heart, I feel like I get closer to what I am praying for.

Pick your battles. You don’t have to show up to every argument you’re invited to.